How Cavepeople Got Their Rocks Off: Stone Age Dildos

Maybe due to the religious myths that have been hammered into our collective consciousness for millennia, human beings, especially in the west, have a tendency to see ourselves as once innocent, and now depraved. Once upon a time, we did it as nature intended us to, but now it’s all porno and sex toy shops. In fact, there are a lot of examples of prehistoric sex toys to be found all over the world. These “ice-age batons,” as archeologists like to call them, are clearly not your average stone tool. They are life-sized penises carved from ivory, antler and stone, in all sizes and shapes, and sometimes even with piercings. Some of these examples date as far back as 30,000 years ago. If a cavewoman wanted to tenderize some meat, why carve a penis to do it with – unless it wasn’t dinner she was working on. There are also references to dildos and depictions of them in art dating back to ancient Greece; they were apparently a popular subject in Greek comedy. So far from being some kind of post-Freudian creation, dildos are something human beings have made use of for most of our history. Check out some of these stone age dildos below!

Multiple-1
c. 12,000 B.C.
Several portable phallic pieces with replications of totally retracted or absent foreskin, piercings, scars and tattoos.

Images via Mashable

 

Ice-age-phallis
c. 29,000 B.C.
Paleolithic stone phallus discovered at Hohle Fels Cave, southwestern Germany. Made from fine-grained siltstone, ground, polished and incised. The phallus appears to have been also used as a hammerstone.

 

Carved Chalk Phallus.
Neolithic
Carved chalk phallus from an infilled pit in a ditch of Maumbury rings, now at Dorset County Museum.

Stone-Fox
c. 6,000 – 4,000 B.C.
Carved stag antler phallus, Sweden. 10.5 cm long, 2 cm in diameter.

 

Ivory
Neolithic
Carved ivory phallus, France.

 

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Meghan

Meghan

Meghan MacRae grew up in Vancouver, Canada, but spent many years living in the remote woods. Living in the shadow of grizzly bears, cougars and the other predators of the wilderness taught her about the dark side of nature, and taught her to accept her place in nature's order as their prey. She is co-founder of CVLT Nation webzine and clothing.

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Marcel McFlyJulien RobillardKesali SlobuzenjaAxel BrandtDanny Bobby Recent comment authors
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Marcel McFly
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Paul Since you are madly in love with all kind of phallic things and especially dildos, i can imagine you will appreciate this little article right here

Julien Robillard
Guest

Dildos… That seems anachronic to me.
Phallic objects are pretty common in ancient and animic religions as symbols of fertility/masculinity (fertilize the ground, enhance the fertility of the tribe…).

Sextoys and acceptation of feminine pleasure as an acceptable social behavior are far more modern.
I may be wrong though, never interviewed a female caveman 🙂

Axel Brandt
Guest

I think shit was way different back then. I’d say the shame in those things is what’s modern.

Kesali Slobuzenja
Guest

Axel Brandt Yes, you’re right, I’d say its a consequence due to the crusades.

Julien Robillard
Guest

Shame wasn’t involved in what I said… Just ol’ boring anthropology 🙂

Danny Bobby
Guest

Looks comfy

JuniperInLove
Guest

Hey, is there any way to get castings of these? I would be willing to pay for materials and postage. Thank you for your time!

Sandra
Guest
Sandra

I doubt very much that any of them were depicting circumcised penises, as that was only done up to about 5000 years ago in Egypt, then mostly only by Jews, then by Muslims.
Christians and non-religious people only started circumcising in the late 1800’s.
Erect natural penises often use up all or most of their foreskin. That’s one of the many reasons why it’s there: for the erection to grow into.

Anthony Edwards
Guest
Anthony Edwards

Circumcision has appeared in many cultures, not just Jews. South American cultures have both female and male versions of circumcision. Even if it were true that circumcision wasn’t popularized until the Jews (other cultures had versions prior to the Jews, though it was not a uniform concept) many cultures develop and then ‘forget’ their culture changes.

Sandra
Guest
Sandra

Yes I know. Re-read what I said about it happening in Egypt 5000 years ago.
Most people don’t like taking knives to their penises. Shocker, I know.

Anthony Edwards
Guest
Anthony Edwards

I assumed when you discussed Egyptians, you were suggesting Egyptian Jews.

After watching people piercing everything they can get a needle or a bamboo shoot through, it does shock me that circumcision took so long to appear in an ancient culture.

You did make me chuckle though.

rockinout4ever
Guest
rockinout4ever

Awesome info, but are you saying the article is false? I’m not against you, this article is hilarious but just asking if you think if it’s false.

Sandra
Guest
Sandra

Not saying it’s false at all, just that the writer doesn’t know that most penises are never (and were never) circumcised. A lot of people who have never seen an intact penis don’t realize that foreskin retracts during an erection, and that they look virtually the same as circumcised penises.

Eunice Jo
Guest

이예원 이거슨 세건샄ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Amy Lole-Taylor
Guest

Jessica

Jessica Gerbic
Guest

wtf haha

Malia Harris
Guest

Donna Shamblin Kaylah Goette

Donna Shamblin
Guest

I don’t believe it. Why are they circumsized??? They didn’t have circs back then!!

Vanessa Villalobos
Guest

Wtf

Melissa Tavilla
Guest

Major lol!

Samantha Evans
Guest

Annette lmao

Annette Cerdas Loynaz
Guest

LOL so effective

Valerie Villalobos Tejeda
Guest

Ummm is this where “you rocked my world” came from? LOL

Jose Antonio Espinal
Guest

To play drums

Summer Sanchez
Guest

Melissa Burciaga like this? Lop

Henry Rearden
Guest

Maybe they were large primitive spoons?

Ally Waldrep Birkett
Guest

Becky Wilgus

Ally Waldrep Birkett
Guest

Brianna Zamborsky

Jennifer Shores Lauscher
Guest

Patrice DeAvila

Amanda Fader-Piszczek
Guest

Sara ‘Nichols’ Fader did you find any of these at your pure romance party lol

Ally Waldrep Birkett
Guest

Matt Birkett

Jon Hoover
Guest
Katrina Spoor
Guest

Mars Chanelle

Charles Douglas Hoffman
Guest

Lol I get it “rocks”

Cara Slagle
Guest

Aubrienna Pembrook more sex facts grl

Gustavo Gomez Q
Guest

Faliformes los hemos excavado

Gustavo Gomez Q
Guest

Faliformes los hemos excavado

Andrew Chione
Guest

Indre Jan

Flogging Mayra
Guest

Valde Gutierrez Lopez

Maryrose Runk
Guest

Tasha Reeder

Damion Lee
Guest

Cassie

Danny Villa
Guest

Dee Ceased

James Bond Noteno
Guest

Gustavo Gomez Q

AnaLui Valdez
Guest

Anel Munguia mamaron!

Anel Munguia
Guest
AnaLui Valdez
Guest

Jajajajaja

Chelsea Delsea
Guest

Erin Sibulak

Bella Robles
Guest

Beat-Rice Corona Flores

Roy Linford Adams
Guest

#2 is just down right scary.

Joel Grind
Guest

Samael Montenegro

Phil Wall
Guest

They would surely chafe a bit 😀

Niltzsche Foukoopmann
Guest

Chrissi Winzen solltet ihr in den katalog aufnehmen. Saskia Cannibal würde das auch freuen

Frederico Grimmann
Guest

Mushrooms.

Keith Fivey
Guest

I can see now why you’re up all night

Keith Fivey
Guest

I can see now why you’re up all night

Keith Fivey
Guest

I can see now why you’re up all night

Dave Sharpe
Guest

Wilma was Flintboned

Vo Dou
Guest

Sean A Miller

Jason Davies-Bunny
Guest

Lmfao!

Isaac Flamecore Kitsch
Guest

Rose Martin

Sarah Lowes
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Kasia Lorenz